Dear Diary,

How do you convince someone that life is worth living when you no longer value your own life? How do you make someone with very little worldly experience understand the reasoning behind your decisions? These are the questions that haunt me every time my eyes start to get heavy and I start to drift off into my own world. In this world there is no fighting, everything is perfect and my son and I are happy. Soon reality returns and I am left with only memories of what used to be. How am I supposed to tell my son not to talk of dying when I even feel like dying? Is it fair that I expect so much of him? I swear I would give me life without even a blink if it meant that he would live. I am destined for one purpose and that is to protect my son and ensure that he keeps on living. I cannot explain the way he makes me feel. It is a love like I have never experienced before. Do not get me wrong, I loved my wife very much, but with him it is different. I know that he will never leave me and I know that this may sound a little immature, but I consider us to be best friends. We help each other through the rough times and I think love is the only thing that keeps us alive sometimes. I wish I could change his future. I wish that I knew what is going to happen to us. A boy should never have to see what he has already seen at such a young age. He does not like to talk about his bad experiences along this journey, but I know that they have deeply affected him. I can see it all over his face. I wish I could change that, but I cannot. All I can do is defend him until the day I die and teach him enough knowledge to help him survive. I am scared, but I will never let him see it on my face. I am his warrior, protector, and provider and I will defend him until the day I die. That is what true love is.